If you had told me when I started this that I was going to find so many mistakes and examples of shoddy writing across so wide a range of ads, that some would continue to appear over and over and over – I’d have called you crazy. Sure, not everyone is as fussy about clarity as I am. OK, some of my gripes are – possibly – subjective. And some of them I include because they have left an open door to a laugh. But the vast majority of them are just plain carelessness. My headache? Let me show it to you:
Now look – I know everyone makes typos now and again. I do myself. We all do. But what’s evident in a lot of these cases is that not only are they not proofreading, they aren’t even noticing when their spellcheck or other systems are telling them it’s wrong. And so – on to “episode 4” of Dear Recruiter.
- Dear Recruiter: Let us pass lightly over the fact that the word you want in your headline is ‘forefront’, not ‘fore front’ and go straight to a discussion about the first sentence of your ad. You know, the one: “With the a constant flow of new clients wins the agency in urgent need of savvy executive to join the team and supports with the increased work load.” There is almost nothing right about that sentence. Small children would have to WORK to produce a sentence so shoddy. I can only assume that your client never sees the ads you produce or – possibly even more depressing – doesn’t care how they appear.
- Dear Recruiter: “Its a varied and exciting roll for someone with flair and love of social. Get in touch.” – where do I even begin?
- Dear Recruiter: Phrases like “outstanding opportunity for a creative thought leader in the social space” make me want to start drinking before lunch.
- Dear Prestigious Scientific Publisher: In regards to the Senior Editor position at your internationally renowned, flagship medical journal, you indicate that “meidcal knowledge really is a prerequisite” and “some editorial experience would be an asset.” Your standards are slipping but not as low as your spelling.
- Dear Recruiter: I admit to being stymied. How does one “liaise with professional pears?” Is it different than liaising with amateur pears or – say – apples?
- Dear Recruiter: I concede that “The world is evolving and the way brands comunicate online is changing” but I posit that some things – like the spelling of communicate – don’t change.
- Dear Recruiter: Under location, you state: London or North America (United Kingdom). One of us is confused and I don’t think it’s me.
- Dear Recruiter: I read “As a member of the ‘Engage’ team, you will ultimately report into the Head of Engage” and all I can think is that either English isn’t your first language or you work in an entire office of people unable to read. Or both.
- Dear Company Redacted: You want someone “who was born digital” and that’s too bad. My mom isn’t hugely tech savvy so I was born the old fashioned way.
- Dear Recruiter: You say you need someone with “an ability to generate compelling concepts as well breathtaking designs” but you also appear to need someone with the ability to proofread.
- Dear Recruiter: The use of “brilliant” 7 times in 3 paragraphs of job description and requirements is 5 too many, if I am feeling generous, and 6 too many on days ending in a ‘y’
- Dear Recruiter: Head of Execution? Are you SURE?
- Dear Recruiter: You want a “Legendary Marketing Manager?” I confess stories of my exploits are told and retold but I don’t know if they have reached the lofty heights of LEGEND yet. Ask around …
- Dear Recruiter: I am interested to know what a RONT END WEB DEVELOPER might be.
- Dear Recruiter: No, I’m sorry. I won’t be applying for this position as you have used the word “synergies” & a girl must have her standards.
- Dear Recruiter: I feel certain that my lack of direct industry experience is more than made up for by my passionate enthusiasm for the product. I would be HONORED to be the new Vodka Program Manager for Europe.
- Dear HR: Head of News and Social Media for the Meteorological Office? Um… “It may rain. It may not. Chance of sun in morning. Or maybe afternoon.” There. How’s that?
- Dear Recruiter: You appear to have the correct number of apostrophes in the job listing but none of them in the right place.
- Dear Recruiter: Just FYI – your caplock key is stuck.
- Dear Recruiter: Something is either a start-up or it is not. Well, OK, something might be growing out of the start up phase but that doesn’t make it “start-upish.”
- Dear Recruiter: Congratulations! You are the first one I’ve seen to use the word “stonkingly” in an ad. Kudos!
- Dear Recruiter: While the Internal Communications Management role you have with your “Central Government client” is probably very interesting, I feel it wouldn’t be in ANYONE’S best interest to put me within “rant’s reach” of Central Government.
- Dear Recruiter: Many of your ads begin, “This a business with an exciting brand… ” IS! YOU FORGOT THE “IS!” You have been using this same freaking text in all your ads for months. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, FIX IT!
- Dear Recruiter: I think you meant “board level interaction” not “bored level interaction.” But I don’t like to assume… care to clarify?
- Dear Recruiter: I’d be a great ‘Head of Complaints.’ I’ve been complaining for YEARS; it’s almost second nature. Where do I sign? Oh… oh, I see. Never mind.
- Dear Recruiter: You want someone to craft “strategic solutions across carious accounts” but until I know what carious accounts are, I am afraid I cannot help you.
- Dear Recruiter: When you say you want someone with “Experience in manipulating media” – I presume you mean pictures or video, not journalists. Not that I object to manipulating journalists… I was just looking for clarification on this point.